The difficult life of a high-schooler

A reflection of my own experience of culture and identity in relation to education

My experience in high school wasn't truthfully a happy one. Sure, everybody has their ups and downs but for me personally, high school wasn't truthfully a happy period in my life. 

For the first 4 years of my high school career (Can I call it that?) I never truly knew what having a “best friend” felt like, or what “fitting in” actually meant.

For the first 4 years of high school, I had no one but myself. Let me explain.

I was never left alone, literally. I was always part of a group in high school, typically and racially known as the “Asian Group” (Yes…that was how the others in our year referred to us as). We initially gathered together based on the fact that yes, all of us were of Asian background. As Phillips (2006) suggests, “Persons identify…more easily with those with whom they have more in common that with…” (Phillips, 2006: 4), it is without a doubt that all of us were brought together based on our apparent, visually-seen cultures.

However, I only ever felt that I was there in body, but not in soul. I tried connecting with these people, by joining conversations about topics that didn't interest me, or discuss about ‘issues’ in their lives that never concerned me before.

Despite all the odds, I still continued to stay with them, and likewise, they never told me once to go. It was obvious to all of them that I simply didn't belong there. Everyone in the group were close to one another and I, was simply, the odd-one out. Eventually, there was a point in my life where I just wanted to stop trying.

It was draining, to keep up an endless act every day, trying to be someone who you aren't.

I found myself crying to sleep on most nights, and I couldn't tell a soul. Why?

Because, I had no one I could talk to; it was as simply as that.

~~~

So eventually, what saved me? What got me through those dark and lonesome days so long ago?

The discovery of a whole new culture which I never knew before – K-pop, along with anime, dramas and so much more.

By discovering Asian Pop Culture, I simply allowed myself to join a subculture and community who appreciated what I loved, and also could relate to what I loved. And through that, I found a whole group of friends who LOVED what I loved, and wanted to hear what I was interested in. Likewise, I loved listening to what they were so passionate about too.

This was in Year 11, and this was the year that my life turned around significantly.

I finally became a person who looked forward to waking up another day, and wanted to go to school simply due to the fact that there were people who wanted me to be there with them.

Thinking of this past, which has left numerous scars on my soul and body, has led me to believe that appearances should not determine who you believe you should be. Eventually, it was due to culture that brought me to finally find my true “best friends” and understand what “fitting in” meant, and has thus define my identity today. It is through one’s freedom to ‘self-create’ themselves, that we are capable of defining ourselves as unique individuals (Wadham, Pudsey & Boyd, 2007: 3).

Asian Pop Culture has now become a part of who I am as an individual. So much so that I currently have my own blog site where I blog about K-pop, Korean dramas, anime etc, and am also currently blogging for a famous Korean Drama website based in New York. I plan to continue doing so, and I would not have changed a thing. 

This is now my style of music...what a long road that was xD

Such a past has made me view the world through different eyes, and it is due to this experience that I believe that both culture and identity are two aspects that can truly alter one’s experience within education.

References:

1. Wadham, B., Pudsey, J., & Boyd, R. (2007). "Chapter 1: What is Culture?" "Culture and Education" Sydney: Pearson Education
2. Phillip, A. (2006). "What is Culture? In Arneil, Barbara & Deveauz, Monique and Dhamoon, Rita and Eisenbergm Avigail, (eds) Sexual justice/cultural justice. London, UK: Routledge, 2006, pp. 15-29